Work-Life balance. I do not like this phrase. It’s a fallacy!
Balance, noun, a condition in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions.
It is nearly impossible to spend equal parts in work mode and life mode. You always feel like one is winning out. At least I know I do. There are many days where I’m at my desk wondering if I turned in my daughter’s permission slip or setting a mental reminder to schedule her annual physical appointment. Or I’m at home watching a movie with my family and I suddenly remember I forgot to send that report to a client or send that meeting invite.
The problem with work-life balance is the word “balance”. It creates unrealistic expectations. There are a lot of new phrases in the HR world to better capture this idea; work-life harmony, work-life integration, work-life blend, or my personal favorite, work-life synergy.
Synergy, noun, the interaction or cooperation of two or more organizations, substances, or other agents to produce a combined effect greater than the sum of their separate effects.
So, I find this “synergy” and suddenly everything just seems right! The combined effect of being happy at work and happy at home makes me a happy person! Well… I don’t know if it’s that simple but, you get the idea.
So, no matter what you call it (even if you use the dreaded work-life balance) we all know what you mean. How can I go to work or spend time with my family and not lose my mind thinking I’m failing at both!?
Can I really have it all?
A career that I love and a family that I actually get to spend time with? Sure, you can! You just have to find that “synergy”. And once you find it, know you will lose it sometimes, or what it feels like will change. When you notice that happen, you stop, dust yourself off, and go find it again.
6 Tips for Work-Life Synergy
- Prioritize and plan each week and each day
I make two lists on Sunday evenings: one for work and one for my personal and family things. Each list is of all things that need to get done that week. I like to keep these separate because one giant list is visually overwhelming to me. If I have a personal appointment during my workday, then I will add that to my work list and calendar. Same thing if a work event happens on my personal time. My work list will include projects I’m working on, a client that I need to reach out to, calls I need to return, and meetings to attend. My personal list will include dance classes that I teach, my daughter’s activities, appointments, dinner plans, errands I need to run, items I need to order, etc. I mark each item as “must do”, “should do”, and “could do”. This tells me exactly what the priorities are. Next, I mark what day each item will happen and put them on my calendar.
I update each list using the same process at the end of my workday and before going to bed. This helps me stay on track throughout the week. Most of the time this takes 5 minutes or less. Organizing my day, the night before means I can start tackling the list sooner and be done sooner the next day!
2. Set a timer
As I tackle each item on my list, I set a timer. This helps keep me focused on the task at hand and not think about the other items on my list. If I don’t finish the task by the end of my time, I must decide if I need to rearrange my priorities for today or continue the project tomorrow. Most of the time when this happens, I have already built another day in my week to work on the project because I had anticipated needing to spread it out over a few days. Sometimes, my brain shuts off when I try to focus on the same thing for too long.
3. Empty your brain bucket
There are a lot of things that happen throughout the day that I need to remember. I write everything down! If I’m really organized at the moment, it goes right into my daily notebook where I keep my lists. Sometimes, it goes on a sticky note. I always seem to end up with a dozen sticky notes! And other times, like when I remember something waiting in line at the grocery store, I put the note in my note’s app on my phone. I try not to rely on my brain remembering it! My brain has a hard-enough time keeping me functioning each day. I don’t need to overload it with a bunch of “stuff”. When I organize my list each evening, I will go through all my notes to be sure everything is condensed to the same place.
4. Learn to say no
This was a hard one for me to learn! I didn’t realize that I never said “no” until it got pointed out to me by a few different people. Someone needed my help on a project at work, I was always “happy to help”. The other teacher at the studio needed a substitute, I was her go-to girl. Three or four parties on the weekend was the norm. Then COVID hit and everything shut down. I had nowhere to go, and it was glorious. Now, please don’t think I am diminishing the effects of COVID and the toll it took on so many families. I am simply pointing out how it helped me learn that who I spent my time with and what I spent my time doing was important. As things started to open and friends and family got vaccinated, I realized that I could not go back to my earlier ways. I don’t know how I sustained it for as long as I did before! At first, I would say no because I didn’t want to get exposed or possibly expose someone else to COVID. Then I remembered what a co-worker told me, “No, is a full sentence.” So, I tried it. And you know what that first person I tried it with said to me? “Ok”. They said, “ok”. They didn’t need my explanation. So, I tried it at work. And that person said, “ok”. Of course, I don’t go around telling everyone “No” but, I needed to learn that sometimes it is ok to say “no”.
5. Let go of perfection
This is another one that can be so hard for people. Women tend to be very detailed oriented. We are hard-wired to notice little things. We also tend to be harder on ourselves and over-think things. Perfection is just an illusion. It doesn’t exist. We need to learn when good enough is enough. The client having the report and having the report on time is more important than trying to make it perfect. This is where #2 (setting a timer) can really help.
Same goes with family time. My daughter doesn’t care that the craft we did together doesn’t look like the picture on Pinterest. She doesn’t care that the flowers we made for the cupcakes look more like bugs than flowers. She will remember it as that funny time when…. But, most importantly, she will remember that we spent time together.
Which brings me to #6…
6. Be in the moment
This one is the most important! I’m going to say it louder for the ones in the back. BE IN THE MOMENT! When you are at work focus on your work and check off that list. If you are going to the park with your little ones, put your phone away. If you need to, check your emails when you get home. Then there is no guilt. You just spent quality uninterrupted time with your little one. Check that email, then put your phone/computer away again. The point is whatever you are doing, focus on being there 100%. So, when you need to change focus, it is ok.
So, there it is. Follow these 6 tips and you are on your way to be the perfect career woman, mom, and wife. Hahaha! Just kidding! No one is perfect. But hopefully, this helps you feel like you can handle it all better.
What’s your favorite work-life synergy tip? Share in the comments!
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